New Toys

There are new toys in my life.  I settled on getting 2 items from Aneros - their original prostate stimulator and the Vice.  I also got a high(er) end dildo modeled after Brent Everett.  As of now, I've used 2 of the 3 items - the original Aneros and the dildo.  The experiences were...  let's just start with the dildo.

The Brent Everett dildo measures 8 inches long and 5 1/2 inches around at the shaft.  It is a substantial dildo for me as a person who rarely bottoms.  It took 20 minutes, a dozen or so hits of poppers, more lube than I care to admit using, and eventually mounting it to the shower wall, in order to get that fucker in.  I was determined, and I achieved success.  Once it was in, and I was sufficiently in orbit from all the poppers, I really enjoyed it.

However...

I should have prepared myself for the after-pain.  My ass was SORE!  And it stayed sore for 4 days!  It hasn't been used since - mostly because when I look at it, my ass is not reacting in an anticipatory way - acting more like the gates of Winterfell just before the Long Night: sealed shut, as tight as possible.  I am going to need more practice... or I will need to get a smaller dildo, in order to work myself up to Mr. Everett.

The original Aneros, however, was a much easier experience.  It gets used, and used often!  I've kept it in when I've been at the club.  I understand why it costs what it costs, and I have no qualms with that.  The only downside I find with it is when I do chose to have it in when I'm out and about, I have to be selective of my wardrobe.  I am a heavy pre-cummer, and when the Aneros is in, my cock is like a faucet!  I am excited to use the Vice.  I worry that the vibration will make the sensations too intense, but if that is my biggest concern, then it was money well spent.

I will get more comfortable with larger things in my ass - preparing for the moment I decide to bottom again.  For now, it will be reserved for home.  But, at least my ass still opens up.

Poppers: A Journey

The current collection

My first time using poppers occurred when I was 16.  At this point, I was already well-versed in sex with men – having had a steady boyfriend (who had just passed away) and I was sneaking out of the house to go to the gay clubs in town.  I had also learned about cruising the year before during a school trip (I’ll save that for another post).  I was too young to have been doing what I was doing with whom I was doing it with, but I do not regret any of the shenanigans I got into.  

I was engaged in a bit of naughty play in the back room of the larger gay bar in town.  Me and 2 other guys were getting head from a very eager cocksucker – the man on his knees, switching from cock to cock.  One of the other guys had his hand down my pants and was teasing my hole with his finger.  I knew he wanted to fuck me, but I was a little apprehensive about doing it in the club.  My pants were lowered in a way that from the front, they looked fine (other than my fly being open and the 40-something guy gobbling on my cock), but my ass was fully exposed from the back.

The gentleman’s finger was replaced by his cockhead.  My nervousness about doing this in the club kept me from opening up, so the man produced a small bottle from his pocket and handed it to me.  At this point, I had only seen others use poppers – never trying them myself or having them offered to me.  In my bid to seem older than I was (16, in a bar that was 21+ that evening – and the 3 guys around me were all at least in their 40s), I took the bottle and simply mimicked what I had seen others do.  I unscrewed the cap, brought the bottle up to my left nostril, and while using my thumb to close my right nostril, I inhaled deeply for 5 seconds, then quickly repeated the action with my other nostril.

After screwing the cap back onto the bottle, I felt it.  An intense warmth spread across my face and a strong sensitivity could be felt in my crotch.  At this point, the man’s cock slid into my ass with only his precum for lube, and I barely noticed.  I had to hold onto a cocktail table in order to keep my balance.  The sensations were unbelievable for me.  At 16, my experiences with anything drug-related were limited to alcohol, a couple of times smoking pot, and one hit of acid (it was the 90s). 

This went on for a while, the man fucking me pulled out and came in the cocksucker’s mouth.  While that occurred, the other man who was standing with us had gotten the poppers and handed them back to me.  I took 2 more deep hits as he slid into my ass and fucked me for a few minutes until I came, giving the cocksucker his 2^nd load.  After we got ourselves presentable, I went to hand the man his bottle of poppers back, and he said “keep ‘em.” 

I remember that bottle very well.  It was a 9ml (it was a while ago) bottle of Rush.  This was before they put “Original” on the label.  The bottle was ¾ full, but it lasted me a good year.  I didn’t bottom that often, and I only used it when I wanted to get fucked.  Over time, I learned that not all poppers are created equal.  I only bought Rush for myself, but once when I was 20, I was offered a bottle of something or other, and I blindly took a huff, and had the worst headache of my life – and it lasted for 2 days.  I never used poppers again after that – not until this past year.

I was gifted a bottle of Rush Original from a sex friend.  It sat in a drawer for about 2 months before I dared to use it.  And the memories – the positive memories – came back.  And that warmth, and tingle… it all came back and I enjoyed it very much.  So, I endeavored not to demonize or fear poppers anymore, and set out to find “good” poppers. 

Thankfully, I now have a robust group of friends and acquaintances with whom I can discuss sex and poppers and kinks and whatnot without any sort of fear and/or judgement – and know that whatever feedback and advice I get will be worthwhile.  I first started on my own and decided to try something other than Rush.  I bought the bottle of Mutiny.  It is quite good, though I am not wild about the extra additives added for the scent – which ends up sticky on the rim of the bottle.  A friend recommended 2 others – Jungle Juice, which is pretty good (it reminds me of a slightly stronger version of the Rush) – and the Old English white label, which is now my go-to if I bottom. 

I am no longer afraid of poppers.  I wouldn’t put myself into the “popper-pig” category just yet, but I am much more enthusiastic than I ever was before.  I also credit my newfound appreciation for them in (ahem) loosening my apprehension about getting new anal toys.  Thus far, there are 4 types of poppers in my rotation.  I am always looking for new additions, so if anyone reading this would like to leave their suggestions, recommendations, or whatnot, please do so in the comments below.

-D-

Toys

Some of my toys

I am not a particularly kinky person.  But, I do have some toys.  Not many, but the ones I do have are pretty good - and I have my eye on a few more.  At the moment, my toys revolve around a collection of Fleshjacks.  I currently have 3, plus some accessories for them - a shower mount, and the Launch.  I enjoy them, and definitely see myself getting a few more.  As for penetrative toys, I only have 1 at the moment - a prostate stimulator which I got for free at a Naughty Bingo charity event.  I used to own a pair of dildos, but one was stolen (a sad story, but there you have it) and the other I just... out-grew. 

My 2nd favorite Fleshjack - modeled after Bel Ami star Kris Evans' asshole

This rant is mostly about my personal apprehension about adding what I perceive to be "too many" toys to my collection.  I admit, many would say my collection is modest.  I have friends who have literal steamer trunks filled with every possible toy imaginable.  A friend who has since passed away had an over-sized gym bag that weighed over 70 pounds filled with dildos.  So, a couple of Fleshjacks and one prostate stimulator is small potatoes.  But, I worry about some internalized line being crossed if I add more.  I don't know why.  If I want more toys, can afford them, and they bring me joy in between and/or during sexual conquests - why not?

I guess, I have been thinking about getting more penetrative toys.  I am a little worried about that.  Not that I am worried my identity as a top is somehow in question - but I don't get to bottom much.  And I do like to bottom on occasion.  And, it would be nice to be... in practice(?) when that time comes along.  And while the prostate stimulator I have is OK, I think I can find something a bit more substantial, and... dare I say... high-end? 

I've been debating about something from Aneros - their Helix and/or Vice massagers.  I've also been thinking about getting a decent dildo - molded from a porn star and made from a material that won't disintegrate when cleaned.

If anyone reading this has suggestions or thoughts, please let me know.


-D-

So, I'm Blogging Because...

My BBC: 10" long, 6 1/4" around

Recently, I have begun consolidating my online sexual persona to a single identity - BallGravyDRB.  For one, it is simpler - versus having multiple usernames across multiple sites.  Also, the consolidation process has given me a new perspective on my sexual interests and experiences.  So, I figured I would take the time to talk about them in blog format.  I expect 3 people to read this, but that's fine.  Frankly, I'll be surprised if 3 people read this.

My issue: I'm what the gay male community would consider a chub.  I'm fluctuating between 250 & 260 pounds right now.  I'm down from my peak of 320, but well above my "hot" phase of a lean 190.  Yet, despite my fluctuating weight, I have managed to be a very promiscuous top.  I speak, of course, of the B.B.C. (Big Black Cock).  I have one.  It has served me well, regardless if I am 200 or 300 pounds.  However, I am becoming increasingly disappointed in my sexual experiences because I have grown bored with those who worship the B.B.C, and nothing else.

Being bored with sex isn't a new phenomenon.  But for me, it brings in a whole slew of other social issues that flow through the LGBTQ community - issues not easy for many to discuss.  There is racism - casual and blatant - in our community.  And when it is brought up (by people of color) it is usually dismissed (by white people).  And, frankly, I am tired of having the discussion.  Sometimes, I just want to fuck.  And having a long discussion about racial inequity and stereotyping with the guy I am going to fuck is a boner-killer.  Then again, for me, another boner-killer is the guy I'm fucking calling out something racially-charged mid-coitus.  It has happened... more than once.

So, I will be yakking about sex.  There may be pictures.  There may be a video or two.  But mostly, I am going to use this venue to vent into the ether, and see if anyone else is getting frustrated with the way things are.  And, it's not just going to be about racial stuff.  I am also irritated with the apps.  I came up just at the tail-end of cruising.  Tea rooms, public parks, and whatnot - they've all disappeared.  And while the convenience of ordering a fuck from your phone or your computer is nice - I don't find it nearly as fun.  I miss bar culture - fucking in back rooms, etc.  Bathhouses have been relegated to a few larger burghs across the country (U.S.), and the larger ones feel less like baths and more like over-glorified dance clubs with a gym attached.  I miss seedy.

Anyway, we'll see where this goes.  The B.B.C. is both my gift and my curse - bringing as much joy as it does drama.

There are days I wish I were a bottom.


-D-